I don’t recognise my body anymore, but not in the way you think.
For years I didn’t own a mirror. I felt trapped in a body that I believed was failing me and didn’t reflect who I want to show the world. When I did accidently catch a glimpse of myself, I’d be literally repulsed and spend the next 2 days mentally admonishing myself for all the flaws I had. Even in the hottest day of summer I’d be covered from neck to toe and heaven forbid anyone would see a centimetre of skin!
Pregnancy was a fast track masterclass for me. Having previously suffered miscarriage, I made a pact with my unborn son that if he grew big and strong and made it into the world, I’d “clean up my act” so as not to pass on my hang ups and limiting beliefs to him. He kept his side of the bargain and what happened within me was remarkable.
I began to rejoice as my belly grew in size, knowing it was confirmation he was growing.
Instead of focusing on what my body “can’t” do, I marvelled at the fact that, without any conscious effort on my part, it was literally growing and supporting new life, a natural every day miracle!
I was so warm in pregnancy, I couldn’t wrap up like an onion and had to wear what made me cool and comfortable. My bingo wings weren’t so important then.
When my son and subsequently my daughter were born my body continued to amaze me by feeding them and continuing to function on little to no sleep, poor hydration and not the best nutrition. No complaints, my body carried on regardless.
I had 2 c sections and recovered in record time with minimal pain relief for just a few days. Second time round my daughter was born at 10:10am and I was back home, in my own kitchen for lunch the very next day. The midwives were horrified but again my body complied with little to no discomfort.
I now look at my body every single day through eyes of love and gratitude. My scars are a story of love and determination, happiness beyond what I ever dreamed possible. My stretch marks are the first artwork my babies created for me while they were still resident in “Momma Hotel”
Now that I’ve started seeing my body in this way and giving it the nurturing and time it deserves, in the same way I do with my family and friendships, my body is responding and I have a glow that reflects how I feel inside
So I don’t recognise my body anymore, but not in the way you think.