10 Things The Antenatal Classes Should Tell You

Originally posted on December 13th 2016

1. Morning sickness is not restricted just to morning time. It’s morning, noon, afternoon, and night.

2. Pregnancy is NOT glamorous. There’s nothing “glamorous” about swollen ankles, swollen feet, crushing heartburn, hemorrhoids, constipation and a bladder the size of a peanut.

3. Petite clothes are fine. Maternity clothes are also fine. Petite maternity clothes, not so much. Apparently, hobbit-sized people don’t get pregnant.

4. Pregnancy cravings are not just about food. I had a penchant for a petrol scented candle, and yes, these things do actually exist, much to my husband’s horror.

5. During pregnancy, you become obsessed with cleanliness. You start to discover dirt in places around your home that you didn’t even know existed. And in a cruel twist, you will eventually become too big to actually be able to do any cleaning, and no matter how much your partner tries, their efforts just won’t reach your exacting standards.

6. No amount of reading or classes will prepare you for day 1, when you look down and realise that you are now responsible for the wellbeing of another human being for at least the next eighteen years.

7.For the first three weeks after giving birth, you won’t want visitors or to socialise in any way. In fact, you won’t even want to leave the couch. In fact, the idea of never leaving the house again is quite appealing… Online grocery shopping and delivery suddenly becomes a godsend.

8. The first two weeks of breastfeeding are a nightmare. And breastfed babies DO get wind.

9. You’ll become obsessed with weight gain. Just not your own…

10. When you do eventually leave the house, you’ll have more bags than Beyonce to carry with you, and it will require more preparation and planning than her world tour.